You Know You're a New Mom When ... Top 20 Signs

1. Your fall fashion mantra is "slippers are the new shoes."
2. You "go shopping" in your own closet, having not seen your non-maternity clothes in 6+ months (like new!)
3. You get a little baby poo on your pants and you don't change.
4. You catch yourself thinking, "did I shower today?" ... which begs the question, "when did I last shower?"
5. The definition of a nice long shower now simply means you got to wash everything (but not including your hair ... which is now reserved for special occasions).
6. When that special day does come, blow drying your hair has been re-categorized from "getting ready" to "working out."
7. You set your alarm for 3:30 a.m. and you don't have a flight to catch.
8. You've agreed to go dairy free - a SERIOUSLY inhumane request (I mean, COME ON! Goat cheese, brie and fully-loaded lattes were JUST put back on the OK list. Save for the livelihood of a helpless infant, there's truly nothing else that could have swayed me.)
9. You realize you have not one iota of modesty left, after breastfeeding at the park, La Leche support group, friend's house (at least she had a baby, too) and on Skype (perhaps not my finest moment.)
10. You diligently feed little one the recommended 8 to 12 times a day (OK, 8 - who am I kidding) and in so doing, feed yourself, maybe twice.
11. And when you do eat, you do so as if you're trying to win a contest ('cuz who knows when you'll get another chance).
12. You find yourself BEGGING for a red light so you can reach back and put your baby's paci back in.
13. You find yourself manipulating the clutch and gas at red lights to try to rock the baby back to sleep.
14. You finally "get" drive-thrus, and curse anything and everything that can't be delivered.
15. You feel a special connection with all the germaphobes out there ("Don't touch my baby!!!")
16. You can't stop talking like Mickey Mouse, which will make conference calls really awkward if this doesn't knock off before I go back to work.
17. You can successfully say things like "rectal thermometer," "breast," "pee" and "poo" without breaking into hives or uncontrollable giggles (OK, maybe not "poo.")
18. You find yourself desperate to give pregnant women advice, not knowing what else to do with all that now useless knowledge (and JUST when you'd gotten over all that useless wedding planning 411).
19. You're incapable of calling people by their first names. Everyone has a nickname now, including but not limited to: Sugar, Punkin (spelling intended), Sweetie Pie and Lovey.
20. You swore you'd never be referred to as "So and So's Mom" and then go out and buy Mommy "Play Date" business cards that say just that (Did I just admit that? I did, didn't I. Well they were free, besides shipping, so there.)

Girl's Gone Child

Exhibit A :-)

Welp, I'm a mom. How do I know? For starters, I am staring at an adorable little munchkin as I type (see Exhibit A), that somewhat closely resembles Jared and I, and secondly - the HECK that is labor is SEARED into my memory. FOREVER.

On Aug 27 at 10:52 pm, I indeed endured part one of "baby boot camp" (which I suspect never really ends) and limped through this mysterious rite of passage ... and surprisingly - no, shockingly - lived to talk about (honestly, wasn't sure there for a second!)

The reason it's at the forefront of my mind? I made SURE to make many a mental note, lest I fall into the easy breezy sing songy "it was hard but worth it" camp. Can't count the number of times I heard this from well meaning moms and can I just say? Did. Not. Do. Labor. Justice! And I'm kinda pissed about it. :-)

OK, OK, so I exaggerate for effect, but for reals - I'm super glad it's over, and seriously considering adoption next time (which is just a good idea anyway, don't you think?) I was at one of the best hospitals with one of the best doctors and even then, stuff goes down! A few details for those that want the nitty gritty:

Induced at midnight with Pitocin and a foley balloon (and anyone knows me knows how much I hate balloons!). The balloon had to be put in twice (not fun) ... only to have to be put in a third time 6 hours later when the nurses realized it wasn't in right. Anyone who has had a baby will agree that 6 EXTRA hours of labor is super not cool. OK, so now we're at about 7:30 AM at this point. We wait wait wait, and wait some more - and finally, yay - I'm at 4 cm. - a vast improvement over zero! And then we wait wait wait and wait some more ... and I finally get to 6 cm. I figure that's as good a time as any to get an epidural, so I do. Then we get to play the fun game of, get "sunny side up" baby girl to turn over, so I lay on alternating sides for what seems like forever. Fast forward a couple hours (yes, more waiting) and wouldn't you know, the darned epidural STOPS working. During TRANSITION (or in other words, when you really need it). So for about an hour, I experienced true labor in what can best be described as mind-blowing, back labor pain. My hat goes off to anyone who didn't have an epidural cuz that $%&* is CRAZY. Anesthesiology to the rescue .... and I've got a NEW epidural. There, that's better. (Seriously though, who gets TWO epidurals?) But a good working epidural can't do anything about the fact I'm stuck at about 8 cm. with no light at the end of the tunnel. After hours and hours and hours, I had small, far apart contractions, and no sign of progress. Since nearly 24 hours had gone by, it wasn't looking good and the doc started throwing around the C word. Now we're all about what's best for the baby, but what's more frustrating than going through all of that, only to have a C-section? At about 8:15 PM, the doctor said she'd wait one more hour just to see if there was any more progress, but if not, it's off to the OR. The hubby immediately solicited the prayers of friends and family, and miraculously, I was 9.5 cm. when she came back to check. Without hesitation, my doctor recommended we get to pushing (you can do that when you're not exactly a 10?)! About an hour and a half later, we met our darling baby girl!

Three weeks later, the craziness of labor hasn't waned from my memory BUT my love for my daughter is vast and endless and overflowing and I find myself slipping dangerously into saying things like ... "it was hard, but worth it." Ultimately, that's precisely how I feel. But if a preggers friend comes to me looking for some encouragement and advice going into the big event, I'm not likely going to serve up the truth on a silver platter! (She'll thank me later, right? Maybe ignorance isn't bliss?)

P.S. In closing, why do our sweet little tikes get birthday presents when, in all seriousness, mama really should be celebrated too, right? It's like, "Yay --- your mom pushed you out for like 24 hours! Here's some cake and balloon animals!" (And sorry Adeline - thanks to mama's phobia, there will be no balloons. Like, never. But we'll make up for it with lots of cupcakes and ice cream or whatever else your heart desires!)

Introducing Miss Adeline Louise Wright

Little Miss Wright finally made her debut exactly one week late (thanks to a little trick called induction) on August 27, 2011 at 10:52 PM (yes, that would make it a nearly 24-hour labor, thank you very much.)

She was 6 pounds, 14 ounces, and 19 1/4 inches long (not 20 1/2 inches as previously reported, unless she'd shrunk by the time she saw her pediatrician at 4 days old).

We are SO in love with this little beauty! She's alert, healthy, and for the most part, a VERY happy baby! She has me convinced that 2 week olds can smile because just as she's drifting off to sleep, she's all smiles. It's heart melting. Back to the alert part .. you should see her watch her swing's mobile. Imagine that you've just seen the most mind-blowing fascinating thing in your LIFE! That's how she stares at the mobile. And can you blame her? Orange/yellow camel, green alligator, black and white zebra and a purple rhino? I mean, come on! Seriously cool stuff.

We love watching her wake-up, as she's perfected a 10-15 minute fit of stretching. She LOVES having her head rubbed and when she's inconsolably fussing, walking around with her outside does the trick. I hold her right at my tummy and the bouncing is just like when she was in the womb. Must be comforting because it works like a charm. She LOVES to sleep, just like mama! Takes forever to wake her up when it's time to eat. She's gaining weight at record speeds, which is a good thing at 2 weeks old (at what point do you go from "ohhhhh so chubby ... so cute!!!" to "egats! childhood obesity?!" Fine line, I would think?)

Here are a few pictures taken at the hospital during her first few minutes of life!

Proud parents, totally awestruck.

Dr. Walden - best doctor ever (who spent more than 12 hours at the hospital with us, waiting for her arrival).

In Cedars Sinai signature cap and wrap (while contemplating world peace).

 Baby's First Head Shot!

God willing that she continues napping reasonably, there will be many more pictures and blog posts to come!