Girl's Gone Child

Exhibit A :-)

Welp, I'm a mom. How do I know? For starters, I am staring at an adorable little munchkin as I type (see Exhibit A), that somewhat closely resembles Jared and I, and secondly - the HECK that is labor is SEARED into my memory. FOREVER.

On Aug 27 at 10:52 pm, I indeed endured part one of "baby boot camp" (which I suspect never really ends) and limped through this mysterious rite of passage ... and surprisingly - no, shockingly - lived to talk about (honestly, wasn't sure there for a second!)

The reason it's at the forefront of my mind? I made SURE to make many a mental note, lest I fall into the easy breezy sing songy "it was hard but worth it" camp. Can't count the number of times I heard this from well meaning moms and can I just say? Did. Not. Do. Labor. Justice! And I'm kinda pissed about it. :-)

OK, OK, so I exaggerate for effect, but for reals - I'm super glad it's over, and seriously considering adoption next time (which is just a good idea anyway, don't you think?) I was at one of the best hospitals with one of the best doctors and even then, stuff goes down! A few details for those that want the nitty gritty:

Induced at midnight with Pitocin and a foley balloon (and anyone knows me knows how much I hate balloons!). The balloon had to be put in twice (not fun) ... only to have to be put in a third time 6 hours later when the nurses realized it wasn't in right. Anyone who has had a baby will agree that 6 EXTRA hours of labor is super not cool. OK, so now we're at about 7:30 AM at this point. We wait wait wait, and wait some more - and finally, yay - I'm at 4 cm. - a vast improvement over zero! And then we wait wait wait and wait some more ... and I finally get to 6 cm. I figure that's as good a time as any to get an epidural, so I do. Then we get to play the fun game of, get "sunny side up" baby girl to turn over, so I lay on alternating sides for what seems like forever. Fast forward a couple hours (yes, more waiting) and wouldn't you know, the darned epidural STOPS working. During TRANSITION (or in other words, when you really need it). So for about an hour, I experienced true labor in what can best be described as mind-blowing, back labor pain. My hat goes off to anyone who didn't have an epidural cuz that $%&* is CRAZY. Anesthesiology to the rescue .... and I've got a NEW epidural. There, that's better. (Seriously though, who gets TWO epidurals?) But a good working epidural can't do anything about the fact I'm stuck at about 8 cm. with no light at the end of the tunnel. After hours and hours and hours, I had small, far apart contractions, and no sign of progress. Since nearly 24 hours had gone by, it wasn't looking good and the doc started throwing around the C word. Now we're all about what's best for the baby, but what's more frustrating than going through all of that, only to have a C-section? At about 8:15 PM, the doctor said she'd wait one more hour just to see if there was any more progress, but if not, it's off to the OR. The hubby immediately solicited the prayers of friends and family, and miraculously, I was 9.5 cm. when she came back to check. Without hesitation, my doctor recommended we get to pushing (you can do that when you're not exactly a 10?)! About an hour and a half later, we met our darling baby girl!

Three weeks later, the craziness of labor hasn't waned from my memory BUT my love for my daughter is vast and endless and overflowing and I find myself slipping dangerously into saying things like ... "it was hard, but worth it." Ultimately, that's precisely how I feel. But if a preggers friend comes to me looking for some encouragement and advice going into the big event, I'm not likely going to serve up the truth on a silver platter! (She'll thank me later, right? Maybe ignorance isn't bliss?)

P.S. In closing, why do our sweet little tikes get birthday presents when, in all seriousness, mama really should be celebrated too, right? It's like, "Yay --- your mom pushed you out for like 24 hours! Here's some cake and balloon animals!" (And sorry Adeline - thanks to mama's phobia, there will be no balloons. Like, never. But we'll make up for it with lots of cupcakes and ice cream or whatever else your heart desires!)