You Know You're a New Mom When ... Top 20 Signs

1. Your fall fashion mantra is "slippers are the new shoes."
2. You "go shopping" in your own closet, having not seen your non-maternity clothes in 6+ months (like new!)
3. You get a little baby poo on your pants and you don't change.
4. You catch yourself thinking, "did I shower today?" ... which begs the question, "when did I last shower?"
5. The definition of a nice long shower now simply means you got to wash everything (but not including your hair ... which is now reserved for special occasions).
6. When that special day does come, blow drying your hair has been re-categorized from "getting ready" to "working out."
7. You set your alarm for 3:30 a.m. and you don't have a flight to catch.
8. You've agreed to go dairy free - a SERIOUSLY inhumane request (I mean, COME ON! Goat cheese, brie and fully-loaded lattes were JUST put back on the OK list. Save for the livelihood of a helpless infant, there's truly nothing else that could have swayed me.)
9. You realize you have not one iota of modesty left, after breastfeeding at the park, La Leche support group, friend's house (at least she had a baby, too) and on Skype (perhaps not my finest moment.)
10. You diligently feed little one the recommended 8 to 12 times a day (OK, 8 - who am I kidding) and in so doing, feed yourself, maybe twice.
11. And when you do eat, you do so as if you're trying to win a contest ('cuz who knows when you'll get another chance).
12. You find yourself BEGGING for a red light so you can reach back and put your baby's paci back in.
13. You find yourself manipulating the clutch and gas at red lights to try to rock the baby back to sleep.
14. You finally "get" drive-thrus, and curse anything and everything that can't be delivered.
15. You feel a special connection with all the germaphobes out there ("Don't touch my baby!!!")
16. You can't stop talking like Mickey Mouse, which will make conference calls really awkward if this doesn't knock off before I go back to work.
17. You can successfully say things like "rectal thermometer," "breast," "pee" and "poo" without breaking into hives or uncontrollable giggles (OK, maybe not "poo.")
18. You find yourself desperate to give pregnant women advice, not knowing what else to do with all that now useless knowledge (and JUST when you'd gotten over all that useless wedding planning 411).
19. You're incapable of calling people by their first names. Everyone has a nickname now, including but not limited to: Sugar, Punkin (spelling intended), Sweetie Pie and Lovey.
20. You swore you'd never be referred to as "So and So's Mom" and then go out and buy Mommy "Play Date" business cards that say just that (Did I just admit that? I did, didn't I. Well they were free, besides shipping, so there.)